Tuesday, May 22, 2012

{Getting Real}

It's a brute.
We often give ourselves the license to issue judgements and make assumptions based on what we see.

No one is immune to it and our minds are programmed for it.  Sometimes it happens out of the need to feel better about ourselves and sometimes it occurs almost reflexively without us thinking about it.

If some thought is put to it, it's pretty ridiculous the things we base our assumptions on.  How someone is dressed (or not dressed), their hair (style, length and color), their apparent happiness (or lack thereof), what they drive and how clean it is, how their children are behaving, how not clean (or clean) not styled (or styled) their home is.  If we really think about it, the reality of how trivial, insignificant and fleeting these things are is absolutely mind blowing.  How little of us.  How silly and petty.

So, for the sake of truth and reality, allow me to be really authentic with you.......

I cannot function in chaos, no matter what the form.
I am addicted to home-making.
I have days where 4:00pm rolls around and I am still undressed with yesterday's makeup on my face and unbrushed teeth.
I am frequently and easily frustrated by my children.  God is teaching me (the hard way) that children are children and that they will subsequently act and and reason as such.
I like watching The Bachelorette.
I very much dislike cooking and not being able to meal plan (as we are still trying to keep our grocery bill as low as possible) has meant very little real, live, home made dinners being eaten in this house.  This is a constant source of guilt in my heart.
My mood and patience level is directly connected to how much sleep I got the night before and what time of the month it is.  This is a constant source of inconsistency in my life and I very much dislike the literal mood roller coaster that my life seems to be.  Part of the reason for my unflappable need for order in my home comes from the continual lack of order and levelness of my emotions.  This also causes immense frustration when I cannot seem to get ahead of my pattern and fail every time I set off in a better direction.
I spent too much time on media and much less time on Jesus than I would like.
I am a electricity saving fanatic but sleep with a fan on every night and don't necessarily make an effort to have quick, cool showers.
I. love. my. friends.  I never have socks on because they bless me so much.
I talk to myself......a lot.  I even talk to myself about how I talk to myself sometimes.
90% of the time I am happy (and most comfortable) in yoga pants and a tank top.  But that all depends on what part of my roller coaster I am on.
I love to craft and don't do it as much as I would like.
I am very results driven.  This often causes me to start a project hastily because I am so excited to get to the end product.  Also see my first fact.  The chaos sometimes involved in this makes me crazy.
I love photographs.  It's one of the only reasons I would like a slightly bigger house.....more wall space to fill!
You will very rarely catch me without a water bottle somewhere nearby.
I LOVE sleeping.  I am neither I night owl or a morning person.  The earlier I get to bed the better and I do not enjoy waking up to an alarm.
The temptation to overeat to deal with boredom, anger, depression and loneliness is still a part of my life.  Almost every week I recommit myself to good eating so I can fit into my summer shorts....that lasts until around Tuesday afternoon.
Sometimes I miss being a teenager and wish I lived on a farm.
I pick lint and dirt off of my carpet. 
I want two more kids.  But the thought of having four secretly terrifies me.
I tend to go through phases of eating the same things everyday.
Sometimes nap time is my favourite time of day.
I can be very restless but can also be a little lazy.
I hate confrontation and have a tendency to let things slide to avoid it having to talk about it.  I am working on this.

I could go on.
Maybe I said too much.
Maybe I offended you.
Maybe I surprised you.
Maybe you like me more or less.

Every word is true.
The good wrapped up with the I'd-like-to-change.
The beautiful thing is that deep down in my core, I accept myself. 
I hold my head up high
I will not allow my faults to keep me from striving to look more like Jesus.
I will not allow my strengths to make me complacent and stagnant.
I am who I am.
A beautiful mess.
A work in progress.
Let's use our strengths, work on our weaknesses and allow each other to be who we are to fullest, without fencing one another in with our assumptions and perceptions.
Just a little Tuesday evening light reading......


Bettina McIntosh said...

I absolutely love your honestly and this post just makes me like you that much more. I have been a lurker for a long time, but I figured now is as good a time as any to step out of the shadows! Thank you for being so honest, maybe I could do well to write a post similar myself.

Michelle said...

I still like you... Cracks and all! Better still I love your honesty. I see you are reaching farther than you think!

Our little family said...

Loved this post... I also am a bit of a 'lurker,' not one to comment to often, but love to read. Love your honesty, and I agree about assumptions... why is our society like that, it is such a struggle with appearances. My eyes were sure opened on my mission trip, and about what REALLY matters, but then I come home and no one else has experienced what I just did, so it is so easy to settle back into that cycle. I am also a clean freak in my home, and I like how you related it. It is like the one thing I have true control over... my clean house!!!