On Monday, after a feed and being up for two hours, Paisley made it quite clear that there was nothing else she needed but to sleep.
I was busy feeding Denay and getting her ready for her nap, so I let her cry for a bit hoping it would tire her more so sleep would come more easily.
I got Denay all settled, got Paisley's room all ready with music and cozied up in my rocking chair. I put her in the cradle position and snuggled her up with the soother in her mouth. We sat and rocked and she fought.
She fought and fought and fought.
She would take the soother, her eyes would close and I could feel her body relax in my arms. She would sleep quietly for a few minutes and then begin to stir and wake and then would cry and squirm and resist the soother.
She would struggle again for a while and then eventually give in.....over and over......for almost an hour.
As I sat and rocked her, sung to her and prayed over her, it got me to thinking.
It got me to thinking about how I am like that sometimes with God.
He takes me in His arms when I cry, knowing that all I need is to rest in Him.
Never tiring, He cradles me and rocks me, trying to get me to accept His love and allow it to soothe me.
I finally settle, give up and relax into Him.
I abide with Him for a while, being content just to be with Him and allow him to love me, bless me and give me all that I need.
Only to get a little of all He has for me, feel a little better, a little rested and think that I've gotten all I need. And I start to fight again, wanting to rebel and do it on my own, thinking that I don't need anymore of Him or thinking that I don't deserve it.
I struggle and become more and more exhausted and weary, but still I fight.
But eventually I give in again, falling back into Him, realizing again that all I need is Him and remembering that I can't go it alone.
Remembering that he never gets frustrated with my fighting, but only holds me firm to Him, sings over me and rejoices in me.
Having Paisley has reminded me again, that for how much I love my girls, His love is truly unconditional.
He loves me as much and infinitely more than I love them....and I think I love them a whole lot.
It got me to thinking what a remarkable and wonderful God I serve.
It reminded me again that as much as He is God, He is eternal, He is without blemish or stain....He is my Father, my Abba, my Daddy.
And He. loves. me.